


How Many Licks

by YesIsAWorld



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Autofellatio, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-20 11:59:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9490070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YesIsAWorld/pseuds/YesIsAWorld
Summary: Occasionally Louis likes to pass his time browsing Tumblr or AO3. When by chance he discovers that one of he and Harry's favorite kinks is sorely underrepresented in the fandom, he sets out to do something about it.“It’s no laughing matter, Haz. Apparently none of the Larries think you can give yourself a blow job.”Harry let out a last giggle and then he stuck his bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout. “I’m trying.”“Stop talking. I know you’re so close, so proud of you. They think we’ve done the weirdest shit with chicken nuggets and they don’t think we’ve attempted this. We have to prove them wrong.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gettingaphdinlarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gettingaphdinlarry/gifts).



> Thank you a million times over to [myownsparknow](http://www.myownsparknow.tumblr.com) for the beta help on this one and keeping me from overwriting! And to [unintentionalarry](http://www.unintentionalarry.tumblr.com) for the second beta and an amazing eye. As always, [hevab](http://www.hevab.tumblr.com), you were great to work with; thanks so much for agreeing to britpick this one!!
> 
> And this would not exist without [fullonlarrie's](http://www.fullonlarrie.tumblr.com) constant cheerleading. Thank you darling!
> 
> And last but not least, to the dear [gettingaphdinlarry](http://www.gettingaphdinlarry.tumblr.com) this is for you. Since you dragged this concept into my head, I couldn't stop thinking about it until I wrote it out. Enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> **Please do not post this fic or any of my other fics on any other websites. I'm not currently allowing translations either. Thank you for respecting my wishes.**

Louis was bored. 

Harry was getting papped to keep his name ‘out there’ before Dunkirk premiered. It was silly; the media reported nonsense about him at least once a week for seven years, so he’s already ‘out there’ and it’s not like opening week numbers are going to need any help between the Nolan fans and their own—but at least he wasn’t stunting, just going to lunch with Gemma. But it didn’t change the fact that Louis was alone, and bored, at home. 

It had been a few days since Louis signed onto Tumblr, so he chose to pass some time that way. It was pretty calm, all things considered, mostly excited chatter about Liam’s new single that would be dropping soon. He did see some posts in all caps screaming over a new fic that looked promising, so he clicked the link to AO3. 

He knew he was breaking the fourth wall, and that fics were by fans for fans, but sometimes he just couldn’t help himself. They were well-written and familiar and he liked supporting the fans who supported him, even if it was an occasional, anonymous kudos. 

It had been a while, so after he finished the first fic, he did an indulgent, lazy browse, waiting for something else to catch his eye. Then he found a tag that made him sit up a little straighter. He clicked it, then put in a filter for One Direction. Only a handful of results appeared. 

He skimmed over the fics and quickly became indignant. AO3 sometimes provided him with a good laugh, all the different iterations of himself that were brought to life, but this was deeply unsettling. There were far more Larry fics than other 1D combinations, for good reason, he thought smugly. But there were no Larry-only fics with this kink. 

And the frustrating part was that they had been working on it, and were close to actually doing it! 

That no one had ever imagined him and Harry doing it and then _needed_ to write it out felt vaguely insulting. Louis wasn’t one to kink shame—in real life they had a few activities they liked to indulge in now and again—but there were some odd fics out there. There should be hundreds, or at least tens, of these fics on AO3 with this one small thing as the focus… it wasn’t even that odd. 

The garage door opening shook Louis out of his thought process. He was going to fix this situation one way or another. 

The intercom buzzed. “Lou,” Harry croaked through the static, “I’m back.”

“In here!” Louis shouted from the living room. _He_ could still project, and he was pretty sure his voice would reach the hall where Harry would be standing. He didn’t expect a response; Harry was on vocal rest for a few days after shouting away his voice at the Dunkirk premiere after-party. That boy had no control. Heh. Louis would be lost if he couldn’t talk for a few days, but Harry always took it in stride, cracking his puns with his voice machine and getting his point across at about the same rate, to be honest. 

Harry turned the corner in full Harry Styles™ mode: ripped black skinnies, bright blue Hawaiian print shirt, growing hair held back by black sunnies and gripping a smoothie, bottle of water, keys, and multiple devices between his two hands. Louis knew Harry better than almost anyone else, had seen him in every combination of dress possible between their home life and public life, had been with him for going on seven years now, and yet, something about watching him command a room, even if it was just the two of them, still got Louis hard. 

Harry dropped everything on the side table with a clatter, he bobbed his head to the side and Louis knew he was asking what he was up to. 

“AO3.”

Harry started to laugh. He sat on the soft sofa next to Louis, possibly more on Louis than the sofa, but Louis never minded having Harry so close. If he didn’t plop down on half of Louis’ thigh he was liable to inch closer over a few minutes, accomplishing the same thing.

“It’s no laughing matter, Haz. Apparently none of the Larries think you can give yourself a blow job.”

Harry let out a last giggle and then he stuck his bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout. “I’m trying.”

“Stop talking. I know you’re so close, so proud of you. They think we’ve done the weirdest shit with chicken nuggets but they don’t think we’ve attempted this. We have to prove them wrong.”

Harry picked up his voice box. “They’ll never know either way.”

“I know that Haz. Obviously. But _we’ll_ know you’ve been able to do it, even if no one else thinks I’m there to help out.”

“Remind me why I married the most competitive man on the planet?” the robot voice asked. 

Louis shot him a shit-eating grin. “Picked someone supportive, innit? You’re going to smash this.”

Harry ducked his head toward Louis’ neck while he scrolled through the results again, dotting a line of kisses from his shoulder to right behind his neck. Even knowing it was coming, the last spot sent a thrill through Louis, and he jolted at the contact. 

“It’s only ever you, Lou.” Harry whispered; a lightning bolt zinged down his spine hearing Harry’s voice pitched low in the shell of his ear. 

Louis turned his head and met Harry in a gentle kiss that masked the urgency that was thrumming through his veins. Harry must have sensed it anyway, deepening the kiss and digging his fingers into Louis’ waist with one hand while his knuckles ran over Louis’ ribs with the other. Louis gasped at the sensation, breaking the kiss and panting into Harry’s mouth. 

“Upstairs?”

Harry nodded and rushed to stand, tripping over his own feet as he rushed to the stairs. Louis followed quick on his heels, the search results still not far from his mind. 

“Wanna try again tonight?” They had been trying every few days, days when Harry felt flexible and loose, and even though Harry had tried and failed the previous day, Louis had a good feeling about this time. 

Harry skidded across the hardwood floor of the bedroom. “Yes.” His voice was somehow uneven with only that one word. “Yoga,” he swallowed, “was good. I did an excellent plow today.”

Louis gulped in a lungful of air and launched himself at Harry. He didn’t know _exactly_ what plow position was, but he knew it was good news. He slid his hands under Harry’s shirt, rubbing up his abs until he gave each of Harry’s nipples a harsh tweak, one after another. Harry let out a gravelly sob in the back of his throat and ground his hips into Louis. Louis drew his hands back out, then slowly unbuttoned the centre, drawing it out to bring forth Harry’s whining. The shirt fluttered to their feet. 

Louis outlined Harry’s growing length with his pinky, teasing it through his jeans, before focusing his attention back on Harry’s nipples for a few moments. Harry was clutching at Louis, scrambling to get his clothes off as quickly as possible, hampered only by Louis attempting to undo Harry’s button and fly. Louis got Harry’s soft denim jeans down to his thighs, and roughly massaged his arse cheeks. He walked Harry backwards, slow progress with his trapped legs, until they toppled on top of the duvet. 

“So fucking sexy. Always want to fuck you.”

“Can. Yes. Please.”

Louis stood to work Harry’s jeans the rest of the way down his calves, dropping them next to the forgotten shirt before stripping out of his boxers. He grabbed the lube and joined Harry, who was laid out spread-eagle, until Louis kneel-walked between his legs and he planted his feet flat on the bed. 

Louis ran a finger up the inside of Harry’s thigh, from his knee to his balls. The teasing touch made his muscles jump and tic. 

Louis kissed down his other inner thigh, keeping one hand on Harry’s hip and preventing him from writhing the way Louis knew he wanted to. Louis distracted Harry by suckling on the head of his cock as he slicked his fingers and circled the puckered skin of his rim, coaxing out an impossibly pitched whine. Louis finally breached the ring of muscle and slowly worked his middle finger in and out. Keeping Harry in his mouth, he quickly worked up to three fingers, only pulling off to occasionally shush Harry through the prep. 

When Louis was sure Harry was ready, he sucked kisses up Harry’s torso and circled his hips against the soft plane of Harry’s V-line. He ran a tongue along the canyon of Harry’s ear. “Let’s see if you can suck yourself as I’m plowing into you.” 

Harry nodded frantically. 

“So fucking lucky to have you, my gorgeous boy.” Louis could never convey what he was feeling towards Harry, words were never enough, songs were never enough, the only thing that came remotely close was when they’d get lost in each other’s bodies, offering up praise with their lips and devotion with their sweat, reverence in their eyes, communion with their come. “We’ll stop anytime. Don’t hurt yourself.” 

They adjusted themselves so that Harry was flat on his back, and they slowly lifted his legs and pushed them back, far enough that his weight was on his shoulders, feet behind his head towards the headboard, his cock mere inches from his face. If he rested there long enough, gravity would probably help him out the rest of the way, but Harry was also open and prepped and Louis desperately wanted to be in him, so he positioned himself above Harry, hovering until Harry nodded a ‘go ahead’ and Louis pressed forward. 

Louis had yet to tire of watching Harry’s face when he first pushes in; he always looks overwhelmed in the best way, eyes watering and gasping as he tries to work himself down Louis’ dick from the very start. In this position though, Harry had no leverage, could do nothing but take it as Louis took a torturously long time to get fully settled—both because he could, but also to watch out for the man who was his everything, to make sure he didn’t injure himself. 

Louis may have planted the seed that Harry could do this, but he in no way wanted to be the cause of any injury. Harry was actually not flexible at all, and had been working hard to get as close as he was, and Louis was in awe. He caressed his fingers up the back of Harry’s thighs; getting to see Harry like this, folded in half, full of his cock, always expanded a feeling of utter devotion in his chest. Louis’ breath hitched at how close Harry was. 

A few more slow thrusts, Harry’s pink tongue sticking out, and Louis finally got Harry close enough. Louis kept him folded in half, dragging himself out as slow as possible, trying not to disrupt what was the culmination of years of work. Harry was actually doing it. His pink tongue was flicking at his slit. It was literally one of the hottest things Louis had ever seen in his entire life. His hips stuttered and he stilled, trying to stave off the orgasm that had built in a moment. Harry’s face was pink with exertion, as he licked himself again and again.

Louis let out a whimper, and Harry’s eyes flew open, worried the delicate balance they had struck was off-kilter now that he broke the silence. Harry held the eye contact as he wet his lips, then licked up another stripe, then let out a quiet moan. 

“More.”

“You think you can take it?” Louis’ voice was barely a whisper. 

“Yes, please, Lou. Feels so good.”

“You know your word…” Louis wasn’t sure how he was going to fold Harry further into himself; the position already looked beyond uncomfortable. 

Harry nodded. What Harry wants, Harry gets. 

Louis pushed further in, his hips against the curve of Harry’s arse, then pushed more. Harry’s mouth was wide open, and he rocked his head forward, so focused on himself that he surely didn’t see Louis’ concerned look. 

Then it was more than a lick. Harry got his mouth around the head of his own cock. Louis couldn’t hold off any longer, his orgasm rocketing through him as he watched Harry’s cheeks hollow. Harry let out another muffled moan around himself as Louis pulsed into him. 

Harry’s lips were still wrapped around his cock when Louis gently pulled out. He kept a steady hand on the back of Harry’s thigh, waiting for a signal from Harry that he was done and ready to be unrolled. A few more kitten licks and some shallow sucks, and then Harry let out a low groan, and a tiny whimper. 

“Fuck, baby, we’re going to do this slow, okay?” Louis started cautiously lowering Harry’s legs, while Harry dropped his head back into the pillow. He massaged Harry’s hamstrings gently, since they were pulled so tight, and then his quads once his legs were flat on the bed again. Then he slowly worked his hands up to Harry’s hip flexors, pressing into the muscles and tendons and keeping him from getting a painful cramp. 

“Your back okay?” 

“Yeah, fine, I’m still…” He bucked his hips and let out a little cry. “I need…”

Louis slid his hands over to the base of Harry’s cock, pressing and kneading into his closely trimmed pubic hair. He was as hard as Louis had ever felt him, and he gave him a rough tug. Louis only needed to give him a few more strokes and he was coming, letting out a wail and shooting across his butterfly, before all his tension gave way and he was boneless in bed. 

Harry was useless after an orgasm in the best circumstances, so Louis could understand the eyes closed, slow breaths, not a single muscle twitching after what he had put himself through. Louis wasn’t sure if Harry was asleep or in that twilight space of wakefulness and sleep, but in the end it didn’t really matter, as the platitudes poured from his mouth. “So beautiful, Haz.” “You’re so perfect. Can’t believe I get to have you like this.” He managed to tear himself away long enough to grab the flannel on the nightstand and started to clean them both up. His litanies never stopped. “I’m so proud of you, love.” “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” “Love you more than you can imagine.” 

Louis curled up next to him, an arm across his chest, and continued whispering his praise until he fell asleep too. 


	2. Chapter 2

Louis had been hunched over his laptop for the better part of a week. He refused to tell Harry what he was working on, despite Harry’s pleading. “It’ll spoil the surprise,” was all Louis had to say on the matter. Louis held strong; not giving into the promises of a very thorough rimming or not having to clean the kitchen for a full week if he’d share what he was so focused on. 

Even once he was done, it still took him a few days before he was ready to hand it over. They were discussing plans for the upcoming week, when Lottie and Tommy were coming down to see them, and if they had enough spare time to jet off to Paris for a long weekend when Louis decided he was ready. 

“Can you read over something for me?” As the words were coming out Louis realized that he maybe didn’t mean them. That he wasn’t quite ready. But he had to pounce on the sliver of bravery that showed itself. 

Harry pushed the glasses up his nose and put down his phone, effectively ending the call he was about to make to his assistant. 

“Of course. Is it…is it the thing you’ve been so secretive about?”

“Yeah, it’s kind of a stupid little thing. But, like, maybe you can give your opinion?” Louis pushed his closed laptop over to Harry, but didn’t quite let go. He knew the document was still open. All Harry had to do was open it up and… “And if it’s awful, we’ll just never speak of this again. Okay?”

Harry let out a little laugh. 

“No, really. You need to agree to this. If it’s not good… you can’t take the piss.”

Harry swiped the fringe out of Louis’ eyes. “Okay. Yes. Not a laughing matter. I’m sure it’ll be brilliant, whatever it is.”

Louis tapped his fingers on the Apple logo a few times. “Not sure about that. But, here.” He lifted his fingers, then immediately grabbed Harry’s wrist to keep him from opening it. He pecked a kiss to Harry’s cheek. “And not in front of me.” Then he stood and marched out of the room. 

It was not a great plan in retrospect, as he had no idea what to do with himself or how long it would take Harry before he’d be done. He finally grabbed his skateboard and stalked out to the driveway. If he broke his wrist, it would be punishment for not only writing it, but being stupid enough to let Harry read it. He was practicing a crooked grind on the rails they had installed not that long ago and was getting closer and closer to perfecting the trick. He didn’t realize how dark it had become until the flood lights switched on and the whole area was thrown into bright light. 

“Haz?” Louis brought a hand up to try and block the light from his eyes.

“I’m done. Wanna come back and talk about it?”

He really didn’t. He thought about hopping on his board and skating out of the gate and down the street and never looking back. Instead, he kicked it up to his hand. “Yep. I’ll be right in.” He still procrastinated through, putting the board back in its proper place in the closet (ensuring he won’t be able to find it next time he goes to use it), taking a nervous wee, and getting each of them a bottle of water. 

Louis found Harry where he had left him, sat on the sofa with the laptop closed in his lap. 

“Lou, I don’t really understand.”

“I can delete it. Honestly, it was just a silly little thing.”

“No, that’s not…” Harry pushed the sleeves of his black oversized sweater up to his elbows. “It’s good. Very… uh, realistic. I mean, what are you going to do with it?”

“I guess there’s three options. Number one: Trash it. Pretend it didn’t happen. I’ll hide in a hole for a few days before the embarrassment abates. Number two: Keep it. Could be for us. I dunno, so we don’t forget or something.” Louis really wanted number three. “Number three: Uh, I could post it on AO3?”

Harry hmmed. “I figured.”

Louis started chewing on an uneven fingernail. 

“You’ll need a beta. A few things could be cleaned up a bit.”

Louis’ eyes flew open. “Really?”

“But it is good. Has anyone ever told you that you have a way with words?” Harry gave him a wink.

“Cheeky.”

“Suppose I’ll have to do it. Not sure Liam is quite up for this job.”

“Really? You’re sure about this? You can think it over.”

Harry pulled him close so Louis was half sprawled on him, with his feet still firmly planted on the ground. It was a bit of an awkward hug, but it was nice to be in Harry’s arms instead of dying from shame, outside and alone. 

“I’m still not sure I get why you want it up there, but I’m okay with it.”

“I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. It’s such a blatant gap in the Larry Stylinson fanfic oeuvre. And we did it! I’m so fucking proud of you babe, I know you worked hard on that and it seems like I should be able to share my pride.”

“Guess we’re doing this.”

Louis tossed the laptop gently on the sofa cushion next to them and sat on Harry’s lap to give him a proper hug. “You’re something else, you know that?” he whispered into Harry’s neck. He felt the familiar hard length beneath him. “Liked it, did you?”

“Bloody hell, of course. It was so hot.”

Louis laughed. “The fic or the idea of everyone reading about us?”

“Honestly, both.” 

Louis smirked and brought him in for a deep kiss. 

“I have a question for you,” Harry said, pulling himself away. “How often did you have to take a wank break while writing that?”

Louis wiggled his eyebrows. “A boy’s gotta have some secrets.” 

He brought Harry back in for another kiss, and the fic was forgotten for the rest of the afternoon. 

###

It was taking a lot of self control for Louis to not keep checking his stats on AO3. He was sat on his hands at the kitchen table, waiting for Harry to finish up putting away the groceries so they could finally start _Mozart in the Jungle_. But he couldn’t help the jitters. He just wanted to know if anyone had read it yet, and if anyone liked it. 

“You’re not going to be able to sit still until you check it, are you?” Harry hadn’t even lifted his head out of the refrigerator. 

Louis thought he had been doing a good job of keeping his nerves under wraps. “How’d you know?”

“You’re always fidgety when waiting for someone’s approval.”

Louis huffed out a breath. Sometimes it was awful that Harry knew him so well. 

“Go ahead, just check it.” Harry stood and stretched his back. “It’s not like you’re going to be able to concentrate on the show.”

Louis leapt up and scrambled to his laptop. Forty hits and four kudos. It wasn’t awful, but a little part of Louis wanted the fic to be a roaring success, and this was not the reception he was hoping for. It was less than twenty-four hours since he posted. Still. His mind flashed to Morrissey and the awful sex scenes he wrote for that book, and severely hoped he wasn’t overestimating his abilities. 

He took a deep breath and then did the one thing he promised he wouldn’t do—anonymously linked his fic (nonfic, technically) to some of the fic rec bloggers and then also put it on his own decently followed secret blog, but without any tags or begging anyone to read it. So maybe he did break his own rules, but now he was really done with the eensy-weensy bit of promo. 

He curled up next to Harry, content that he’d be able to focus now that he was completely, completely done with it. 

###

A few days later, it was clear he wasn’t done with it. At least once a day he’d go back and check on it, and suddenly it had far more views and kudos and comments than he thought it could ever get. Most of the comments were along the lines of “OMG SO FUCKING HOT!”. Louis laughed at those. If they thought this was hot they’d probably die if they had a front row seat to the actual event. There was some talk of it on tumblr too, lots of the same kind of comments along with the “#drop everything and go read this right now” tags. 

Louis was proud of himself, even if it was Harry that did all the work. 

But then a few _other_ comments on Tumblr caught his eye, and before Louis knew it he wasted half an afternoon reading posts about Harry’s gigantic cock and investigative close-up pictures and how Harry probably does it all the time. Louis quirked an eyebrow at that. He dove into the whys of that particular theory and saw it stemmed from Harry’s self-proclaimed love of yoga. 

Louis looked up from his phone. He was perched on a stool in their meditation tea house, joint pinched between his fingers, watching Harry and his yoga instructor stretch up into downward dog. Yoga was great for Harry. He had the patience to slowly move from one pose into another, stretching out his overworked and tight back muscles that almost always bothered him. Over the years he and Laura had grown close and Louis suspected most of the class was them chit chatting in that slow manner they both had, with Harry copying, to his best approximation, her positions. She’d help him when needed, of course, but it was far more of a way to relax and unwind than it was an actual means to make him super bendy.

Harry was still as uncoordinated as ever; it had been years and a ton of practice and he had just now gotten around to being able to blow himself. 

It wasn’t a natural, easy thing for Harry; at all. Which was all the more reason that Louis was so proud of him. 

Louis was technically supposed to be doing the poses along with them, but he normally showed up late and participated in about half the class. He took a deep cleansing breath and tried to relax, moving to the empty mat on the floor and getting into savasana pose, but his mind was still whirling with everyone’s comments. 

When they were done, he pecked a kiss to Harry’s forehead and said goodbye to Laura before jogging away. He still had excess energy that he wanted to burn off and he knew Laura and Harry would be enjoying another joint and taking forever to say goodbye. 

Louis couldn’t put his finger on why he felt so antsy about the whole situation. He tried to outrun the confusion. If he pushed himself hard enough it was possible to block out all the other thoughts in his head. It’s not like he was jealous of his husband’s cock. He loved it! And yes, Harry had always been a bit more of an… exhibitionist when it came to the tightness of his skinnies and having no problem dancing around onstage in various stages of arousal. But was no one out there thinking that he could do it too? 

His feet pounded the pavement as sweat started to collect at his hairline. 

Objectively, Louis was the more athletic and more flexible of the two of them. And of course he hadn’t been sexualized nearly to the extent that Harry had been, so he’d understand why they thought Harry would be able to do that... but couldn’t _he_ want to give himself a blowie too? 

Didn’t anyone have faith in his own cocksucking abilities? 

The harder he ran, the more the idea got lodged in his head. He knew how ridiculous he was being, but he suddenly, desperately wanted to prove to himself that he could do it. The fans would have no idea, it wouldn’t _change_ anything, but at least the satisfaction would be there if _he_ knew he could do it. 

By the time he arrived back at the house, he was dripping sweat and sucking in gulps of air as he tried to regulate his heartbeat again. He took a cool down walk around the driveway, and by the time he came back into the house, smelly and loose limbed, he had made up his mind. He was going to blow himself. 


	3. Chapter 3

Louis collected the car keys from the dish by the front door and slipped his Vans on. He thought he’d be able to slip out without being noticed; Harry had just drawn himself a bath, and midday baths normally meant candles and soft music and a long soak. But not this time. 

“Where are you going?” Harry turned the corner, dressing gown open and flowing, and leaned against the wall. Leaving was going to be a million times harder with a practically naked Harry lingering behind him. 

“Oh, uh…” Louis was always going to be shit at lying to Harry. He hated it, both because he knew Harry deserved better and also because Harry could see through him every time. “I wanted to check out that new skate shop, thought I’d pick up lunch too on the way back.” There, neither of those were lies. Lying by omission felt less traitorous, even if his stomach still knotted as he said it. 

“Cool. I’m going to call some people, see if anyone wants to come over.” 

Louis crossed the room to give Harry a chaste kiss. “Love you. Be back soon.”

He arrived at his pilates appointment twenty minutes later. As he walked in he couldn’t help but wonder when his life had turned to this.

###

It was harder than Louis expected. 

The pilates instructor would come to Louis’ house when he was sure Harry wouldn’t be home. If there was any chance at all of being found out, Louis would arrange to go to the instructor’s studio. And because Harry’s schedule in LA was a lot more erratic than his schedule in London, Louis was getting to know the sweaty little mirrored room quite well. 

“Hey, Lou! Come on in. You can start stretching, I need to make a phone call real quick.”

Louis gave Kat a quick hug before sitting on a mat in the middle of the floor. He loosened up his neck and shoulders and swung his arms across his body. Then he twisted his middle so one shoulder was in front and the other behind before switching to the other side. He reached out to touch his toes and finally brought his feet together with his knees out to the side and reached forward for that stretch. He felt pretty limber, so he was ready to start. But she was still in the back office, with the door closed. He hadn’t checked yet that day to see if he was getting any closer, so with one last glance at the closed door, he bent forward. 

He arched his back and tried to roll down as best as he could, tucking in his abs. He wasn’t hard, so that made it difficult to accurately judge, but he was pretty happy with the progress he made. He stuck out his tongue, trying to get a better estimate of whether or not he’d be able to reach if he was in a different state of arousal. 

It’s possible he forgot where exactly he was until he heard the door shut and looked up to see Kat walking towards him with her head cocked. “So… you’re all stretched then?”

“Yep!” Louis squeaked. The damage was done and trying to explain it now would probably only make it worse, particularly if she hadn’t seen exactly what he was pretty sure she saw. From that point forward, he would only practice in the comfort of his own house. 

But no matter how many pilates classes he took in the California sun, he was still a few inches away from his goal. Every free minute he had away from Harry it seemed he was practicing, but all in all, it didn’t add up to a whole lot of time. When their time in LA was coming to a close, Kat gave the number of a friend she had in London who could help him out. She passed the number over with a wink and Louis honestly wasn’t sure if he was going to end up being a pilates instructor or if she was setting him up on a date. 

###

Harry let out the equivalent of a long suffering sigh. “Where are you going today?”

Louis had used up every excuse he could think of and was drawing a blank. “I thought I’d make a Tesco’s run.” As soon as it was out of his mouth, he cringed internally. Harry was going to see right through it. 

Harry’s eyes narrowed. He turned and took a few steps before spinning back around. “Did we forget something yesterday?”

“Uhhh,” Louis stalled, his brain whirring, “yeah, I have this stupid craving for pretzels. Pretty sure we don’t have any here.”

Harry’s face was calculating. But he didn’t reply, he just turned on his heel and continued out of the room. Louis’ heart clenched, and there was a layer of bile sitting heavy in his stomach. He knew Harry. He knew Harry was going to stew quietly for a day or two and then explode on him. And Louis deserved it. Of course he did, he went from lying by omission to blatant lying. He hated pretzels. There was a reason they never had any in their house. 

Jealousy was not such a good look on him. 

But he wasn’t ready yet to admit to Harry exactly what he was doing. He was getting closer and closer. It would just be a matter of time before he was able to show off his new skill, and then they’d both have a good laugh at the situation. 

He clenched the electronic key in his fist and headed to the garage. 

Louis was backing out of the driveway when he caught Harry walking calmly down the front walk, boots on, scarf wrapped around his neck, coat flapping open showing the same Randy’s Donut hoodie he was wearing out. His man was so beautiful. And so pissed. 

Louis slowed the car to a stop and pushed the button to lower the garage door. He rolled down the window was Harry came closer. “Did I forget something?”

“Yeah. Me.” Harry let himself in the passenger side while Louis’ window rose. 

“Oh, good. Yeah.” Louis let out a stifled laugh. 

They drove in silence, other than the Martin Garrix House Party mix vibrating the car from the speakers. Harry’s neck was awkwardly bent, his head pressed against the window, eyes dull and not even a tiny bounce whenever the beat would drop. Louis wanted to roll his eyes at the dramatics, but he knew that he deserved this and also that Harry’s sixth sense would know he did it, and he was in enough trouble as it was. 

He also needed to find a way to text the new ‘advanced’ pilates instructor and let him know he was running late. His eyes flicked to the clock in the centre console. Wouldn’t make it. Fuck. Between the travel days and jet lag he needed to get there today to make sure had a good stretch and didn’t lose what progress he had made. 

Stuck at a red light, he pulled out his phone. Immediately Harry grabbed it and tossed in the backseat. “Shouldn’t text and drive.”

Louis huffed. “Rude.”

“What? Who do you need to tell that we’re making a Tesco run? You can live without your phone for twenty minutes.”

When they got to Tesco’s Louis got out and turned around to see Harry still sitting there, not making any move to leave the car. Harry shrugged and said, “Not coming in. Just wanted to get out of the house for a bit.” Louis held back a scream and slammed the door. 

He entered the fluorescent-lit store and rubbed his temples. It wasn’t going to do anything to help the headache threatening to erupt behind his eyes. He looked up each aisle until he found the snacks, then stood in front of the pretzels for far longer than he should’ve. His eyes glazed over and the choices in front of him made him want to gag. He really hated pretzels. After the side eye from an employee he finally grabbed a bag and then zig-zagged his way to the paracetamol. He got in line and realized he hadn’t even brought his wallet. 

Louis stormed back to the car. Harry was straight-backed in his seat, Louis’ phone retrieved and nestled in the cup holder next to his elbow. Harry startled when Louis climbed back in. “Were they out of pretzels?” 

Louis could feel the wall of anger hit him. “Forgot my wallet.”

“Convenient.”

“Whatever.”

Louis sped out of the parking lot, taking his anger out on the accelerator pedal. He doubled down on his resolve not to tell. If Harry was being such an arse about things he deserved to be left in the dark. 

Harry practically flung himself out of the car when they pulled back into the garage, dinging his own car with the door in the process. “Fuck!” He stomped inside. 

Louis rested his head against the headrest, trying to figure out if the day was salvageable. They’d been together close to eight years; Louis knew how it was going to play out. Harry would sulk in their bedroom. Louis would swear at his video game. Harry would come down and make supper for himself. Louis would heat up some leftovers or make a quick salad. Louis would slink into bed after Harry had fallen asleep, and they’d deal with it once the sharp blade of anger dulled. 

The phone buzzed next to him. He grabbed it, remembering he needed to apologise for missing his class. It was a group text from Niall. Didn’t he know this was _not the time?_ He closed out and opened the conversation with Peter, and noticed there were some texts from him that had already been opened, but he hadn’t read. 

**Looking forward to today.**  
**We still on?**  
**Okay. Let me know when you’re free next if you’re still interested in meeting up**

No wonder Harry was pissed. They had come through when he was in Tesco’s having a meltdown over the stupid pretzels. 

This was going to be a harder situation to fix than his daily menacing antics. 

He tried to come up with a game plan. He had the time it took to get from the garage to their bedroom to explain that he had been lying for weeks. A large part of him just wanted to stay in his car and keep driving and never face up to his mistakes. But that was the very last thing Harry deserved. 


	4. Chapter 4

Louis was pretty sure he could do it, if he had a little help. 

Before he tracked down Harry upstairs, he took a detour to the loo and poked through the medicine cabinet to find some muscle relaxer. He swallowed the tablets with a handful of water from the tap. His reflection was not pretty; he hadn’t been sleeping well since he started kinda-sorta then definitely lying to Harry, and now he could plainly see the bags under his eyes and flat hair and possibly a spot threatening to grow above one eyebrow. 

He wasn’t quite feeling his sexiest, but it was time to stop the charade. Hopefully by the time they talked it all out, maybe had a small laugh about it—probably not—too soon—then the meds will have kicked in and he’d be a tad bit more bendy. 

Pulling himself up the stairs, Louis tried to figure out the best way to apologise for the whole mess. He gave the door a quiet knock before opening it up to find Harry sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out the window like he was in some emo early-00’s music video. His back was ramrod straight and as Louis moved closer he saw that he was flipping his phone back and forth in his hands. 

“Are you cheating on me?” Harry didn’t even flinch as he asked. 

Louis swallowed down the sick that roiled in his stomach. That he had made Harry consider that for even one moment… Never again. “No. I promise you. It’s nothing like that.” 

Harry put the phone down next to him. “You know Gems will literally castrate you if you do, right?”

Louis was well aware of Gemma’s anger from the thankfully few times Harry had fled to her flat in the early days when they hadn’t quite worked out how to get themselves though an argument. 

“I have met her, yes. But you can call off the hounds. It’s really, _really_ not like that.”

“Those texts.” Harry took a deep breath. “I know how you get when you’re hiding something. It’s normally a giddy, over-excitement but this has been so different. You’re pulling away and I’m pretty sure you’re lying to me and then the texts…”

Louis finally finished crossing the room and sat down on the corner next to Harry. “You know how sometimes something really small can just avalanche into something bigger before you’re even aware? I don’t even know why I didn’t tell you at first. Pride, I guess. I don’t know. It’s stupid.” Come on Tommo, get yourself together. “I want to blow myself.”

“You… what?” Harry let out an angry little laugh. 

“The response to the fic—”

“So you hired someone else to help you out?” Harry spat out, “Is that it?” 

Definitely no laughter just yet. “No. No. Well, fuck. I mean, no. Just like, pilates instructors? You were getting limber with your yoga. I needed a little help too.”

Harry scoffed. “I practiced with you! Yoga is just like stretching and shit. All of that actual work happened in the bedroom. You know, you were there.” Hm. He had a point. “I don’t get why it was a secret. This doesn’t, like, make any of it better.”

“It’s embarrassing because of the why!” Louis needed to not shout at Harry. “You know how they all drool over the size of your cock. So of course you could do it. It’s stupid, but it feels insulting that no one assumes I can do it.”

“You can’t do it.”

“I’m pretty close. Might be able to.”

“You’ve been lying to me for weeks because the fans aren’t making master posts dedicated to your dick? This is all because you’re insecure about your cock size?”

Louis ran his fingers through his flat fringe. Then he patted it down. Then swiped it across his forehead. “You make it sound ridiculous when you put it like that.”

Harry’s lips twitched as he scrunched up his nose; the telltale sign that he was trying to control outright glee. “You really think you can do it?”

“Maybe? It’ll be my first time, but I’m feeling pretty loose.”

“You know this is still not okay.”

Louis was already stripping off his shirt. “Yes. I will beg for your forgiveness and try to make it up to you in a million different ways. It was silly.” The shirt fell to the ground as he stood to pull down his joggers. “It was stupid.” They hit the floor and he sat back down to peel off his socks. “I know I have to earn back your trust.” Grovelling should not have made him as hard and desperate as he was. 

“Lay down.” Harry was still sat in the same position, fully dressed, as Louis scrambled back on the duvet to get his head on a pillow. He slowly stood and walked over to their walk-in closet and Louis heard the thunk of his boots hitting the hardwood floor. He came back into the room barefoot, the rest of him still unfortunately dressed. Louis knew he was going to draw this out. 

He grabbed the lube from the drawer, and made himself comfortable between Louis’ spread legs. Louis was already loosely fisting himself, unable to wait patiently. He watched as Harry slicked up his fingers, then slid his middle one in to start the stretch. It felt like eons before Harry finally deemed him prepped enough. Long after Louis claimed he was ready. Long after he was pulling on his own hair to keep a hand off himself for fear of shooting off before the main event. Long after he was sweating and moaning and begging Harry to just stick it in already. 

“I think you’re forgetting that this isn’t about me fucking you, Lou. You’re going to be doing the work to get yourself off.” 

Harry unbuttoned his well-worn flannel shirt and jerked it off his shoulders so it fell to the carpet. He stepped out of his jeans, then slid his boxers down off his hips, letting gravity do the rest once they reached mid-thigh. His dick hung heavy between his legs and Harry gave it a few half-hearted tugs before finally turning his attention to Louis. 

At that, Harry pulled him down the bed a bit, then lifted him by the ankles and started to push his legs back, getting him into position. Between the gentle stretch of his hamstrings as Harry pushed back and the look in Harry’s eye as he got closer, Louis suddenly realized this was really happening. His mouth ran dry and he licked his lips, trying to force more saliva into his mouth. His head swam as he tried to concentrate on the task in front of him. He was so close; the stretch in his back would be worth it, but he still was just not close enough. 

Harry looked down at him, eyes dark with lust, as his hands clenched and worked over his ass. They waited in suspended animation, Louis, tongue out, trying to reach his own slit in front of him, Harry hovering above, his cock slick and hard and teasing the puckered skin around his rim. They stared into each other eyes, and Louis’ heart struck up a resounding beat as a curl flopped out of place into Harry’s face. Harry flicked it away with a toss of his head and the moment was broken; Harry was pushing himself into Louis and gravity started to pull him closer to himself. 

Harry pushed in slowly, sliding his hips forward like they had all the time in the world. Louis had never felt this… stuffed. It was practically claustrophobic with Harry pressing in from one side and nowhere to go on the other, Louis’ body could only fold over itself, and with the heat and the sweat and the burning stretch of his muscles while full of Harry there was no escaping the closeness, the overwhelming feeling of being overtaken and his body parts rearranged, and all he could do was let out a wrenched whine as his own thighs, his own aching cock, his own patch of trimmed hair came closer closer closer. 

He wet his mouth again, sticking out his tongue enough to wet his almost-cracked lips, and finally with a final thrust, Harry pushed him close enough that his tip finally brushed across the wet heat of his tongue. Harry let out a moan at that, thrusting deeper before pulling out and slamming back in, this time pushing the head of Louis’ cock into his mouth. 

“Oh, fuck,” Harry mewled. “Baby.”

Louis gently sucked himself. Synapses popped rapid-fire as the sensations of giving and receiving overlapped. His cheeks hollowed and in a flash the pad of Harry’s thumb caressed his cheekbone before trailing down to his lips. He hovered for a moment, pressing in at the corner of his mouth, where his cock was rocking minutely in and out. On his next press in, Harry forced Louis’ mouth open that much more and slipped his thumb in too. Louis licked around it as best he could—Harry’s salty skin tasted so different from the salty precome—and he couldn’t help the distorted “Ha-Harry” that came out. When Harry withdrew his thumb, Louis pressed his tongue into his slit and a shudder wracked through his curled body. 

Louis was overwhelmed with sensations, everything was soft and velvety but there was an undercurrent of electricity, and his whole body, nipples, hips, clenched toes, felt like it was strung tight and on edge. Harry pushed in one more time, this time with a soft “atta boy,” and when Louis’ lips stretched past the head to the soft skin of the shaft his orgasm exploded through him, balls drawing up tight at practically the same moment his come shot out, catching him by surprise and leaving its traces across his lips and cheek. He swallowed down the salty, bitter drops that landed on his tongue. He was still coming down off his high when Harry started coming too, pulsing deep in his arse and sending aftershocks through Louis’ tired muscles. 

Harry stayed in place for a moment, reverently cleaning off Louis’ face a finger full at a time, sucking them into his own mouth. As he pulled out and began to slowly unfurl Louis from himself, Louis let out a low whine at the pain radiating from his hips and his over-exerted leg and back muscles that were now screaming at him. Louis winced one final time as his legs were placed back on the bed, and he was lying flat on his back once more. 

Harry must have caught the slight grimace as he hopped up and ran to the ensuite. It was possible Louis was losing time, Harry coming back impossibly fast, in a blink of an eye, with a few warm flannels. He placed one on each of Louis’ hips, then gently swiped at the remnants of come and spit that were on his face.

Louis sucked in a deep breath now that he felt like fresh air, open spaces, floating among clouds. 

Harry arranged him under the fluffy duvet and pet at his hair, gently scratching his scalp, and drifted off to the sounds of Harry’s low voice saying words he couldn’t understand. 

###

Louis woke up when it was dark out and he was disoriented until he got his bearings. In bed. Harry’s here. Pain. Blow job. 

He groaned as he tried to sit up; he was sluggish and it felt like he was moving against quicksand. He turned to see Harry next to him, sitting with his back against the headboard and typing out a message on his phone. Another groan and Harry focused his attention on Louis. 

“Hey babe, how ya feeling?”

“Like I was hit by a truck.” 

Harry’s face was nothing but concern, his eyebrows knit together and the corner of his mouth turned down. “What can I get you?”

“Eh. Nothing. Probably overdid it. The muscle relaxant was probably a bad idea.” 

Harry rolled his eyes. “I just cancelled on Liam. Told him something came up and you couldn’t leave the bed.”

“He probably thinks you handcuffed me to it.”

Harry shrugged. “Let him.”

Then he tossed his phone on the nightstand and pulled his laptop over while snuggling down next to Louis. “I’ll heat us up something for supper later, whenever you’re hungry. But for now, don’t move.”

Louis drew Harry in for a quick kiss. “Sorry again, about everything.”

Harry gave a little snuffle. “We’re definitely talking more about this tomorrow. Once you’re properly rested. But for now, since I won’t say it tomorrow, that was fucking incredible, baby. I’m going to be wanking to that for years to come.”

“You broke me.”

“Hmm. Pretty sure you were determined to break yourself. But, no worry, you’ll heal, and then we’ll both get to perfect the art of autofellatio, together.”

“It’ll make Skype dates a little more interesting.”

Harry squawked out a laugh. “Yes it will.”

They settled down, bodies pressed against each other, and started the ongoing battle of what to watch. Louis might’ve been stupid there for a while, and in pain for the effort, but he’d always know that choosing, sticking with, fighting for Harry was the smartest decision he’d ever make. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [If you'd like to share, here's a tumblr post!](http://louandhazaf.tumblr.com/post/156843471018/title-how-many-licks-author-yesisaworld-pairing)


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